


Is it 42?

by notfun1790



Series: Bang Chan-Centric Angsty Stories [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Family, Fantasy, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Relationships, Second Chances, Suicide Attempt, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-21 14:40:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17644724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notfun1790/pseuds/notfun1790
Summary: This is my end?Bang Chan is tired. He wanted to end it. He ended it. What he did not expect was giving someone a chance.





	1. My End

So tired... I am so tired. Lonely. Sad. Tired. There is no more purpose. Everyone has debuted except me. After leaving Australia, after sacrificing everything for this, I got nothing. 

"You will never debut. You are nothing! Go back to Australia." Those hurtful words kept repeating on his sleep deprived mind. He sacrificed everything for that song. He invested his time, money, and health but what he got were those word. 

Aside from being an idol, Chan has dreamt of producing and composing his song. He dreamt of being recognized for his songs. This was before he trusted the wrong person. He finished producing one of the songs he wrote when a senior producer of the company heard it and came to him. He convince him to hand over the song to him and he will pitch it to JYP. Chan was ectatic. He poured his frustations of not debuting through the song. He poured his loneliness and sadness when everyone around him debuted. He poured his depression, the ugly call to kill himself. That song was his requiem. 

When the senior producer informed him that GOT7 is looking for songs to put in their album, he wished that even if he cannot debut atleast he can help his sunbaes with his song. Hence, he handed the song to the producer with face full of expectation and hope. He waited for updates but the senior producer seems to be avoiding him. He never got any feedback from the song he produced and wrote until the final song line up of GOT7 was released. One of the B-side track was his song. The one he wrote was included in the album but his name was not on it. However, the name of the senior producer was written on it. He claimed his song. Chan tried to inform the team handling the album but no one believed him. Who would believe a child compared to a senior producer who has created tracks for the past 15 years. 

He confronted the senior producer but was met with mockery and threats. "You will never debut. You are nothing! Go back to Australia." Harsh words came from the senior producer. "Look at Bambam and Yugyeom. They already debuted and here you are accusing me of stealing your song. Such a pathetic display. Why do you think JYP did not debut you? Chan, wake up! It has been 5years but still you are here, a pathetic trainee. I also talked to JYP and there is no plan of debuting you. Tell them again that I stole your song and I will end you! I will blacklist you in every entertainment company. I know people, Chan! I could end you!" the producer gloated. 

"Then, end me now." whispered Chan. He was defeated. Those mocking words have stabbed Chan and killed him. He was tired of it all. His only joy and hope has been taken. He has no purpose anymore. He was tired. 

The senior producer was happy. He never thought how the things he has done will end ones life. Chan cried that day. He stayed in the JYPE building until dawn hoping to catch his friends. Hoping to catch Bambam or Yugyeom or Brian or Sungjin but no one came. Oh, they already debuted. I am the only one left behind. He needs someone to talk to. He needs to tell someone about the song, about his issues. He felt his heart will burst if he does not let it out. The psychiatrist said that he needs to tell someone if he is thinking about ending it all but it seems that he is alone. He tried to call them but they are busy with their photoshoots, fan meetings and concert practices. He has no one because all of them debuted. He drag his tired body home. 

HOME. No one is home. Sungjin, Brian, and Dowoon have already vacated the dorm. They moved because they will be debuting so he is all alone in the dorm. Alone and tired. He came home in an empty dorm and flop down the sofa. He thinks. He thinks what the producer said. He thinks of his purpose. Why was he doing this again? Why did he sacrificed his 5 years just to be a pathetic trainee. He thinks of his family, he misses his mom. He cried that night but he never slept. He tried to call anyone but no one answered. He is all alone again. He then texted a message of thanks to his friends and families. His message was his good bye. He was tired of it all. He wanted to rest and his only way was to end it. After this, he will never be a burden to his parents. He will not bother anyone anymore.

He quietly drag his tired body to where he kept his sleeping pills. The psychiatrist said it will help him in his sleep. He cried when his mom replied to his text. She just wake up from the text. Chan laughed and cried. How burdensome he is! He woke up his mom because of his text. He really is pathetic. He really should end it before he cause anymore blunders.

He poured the pills in his sweaty palms. He swallowed it then he added again, and again until he lost count. He was on the last pill bottle he has stored when he felt lightheaded. He felt good. He sat down on the tub. It might be good to sleep in here. It is cool and comfortable. He stared at the ceiling. He think again if this is the right thing to do but the words of the producer came to his mind. Yeah. He is worthless. He closed his eyes as waves of nausea came. His stomach is hurting and he wanted to vomit but he is tired. He closed his eyes and never opened it again. This is his end.


	2. Your End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is my gift to you for the Chinese New Year! The band mentioned here and the characters are all original. Just got some idea from 2nd and 3rd gen BGs.

After 3 years, his group will be returning to the entertainment scene. His hyungs took too long serving the military. Luckily, he is not a bonafide citizen of South Korea so he is exempted. He got lucky that JYPE continued supporting his promotions. Their group was known to be the nation's boy group for their generation. He particularly gained from it. He was the maknae of the group and their fans were addicted with his aegyo. Although his hyungs would not admit, he already captured their hearts. Thanks to his group, his followings became large. He starred in foreign films, he was featured on an international artist's album. He was hosting, he was modelling. He was running all around the world but he never forgot to promote his group. He always introduce himself as BEATS' maknae Chris. 

Chris was a foreigner. His father, a well-known german archeologist and professor, has been tagging Chris and his mom all around the world to discover ancient civilization. His mom, an australian-south korean linguist and dancer, has taught him various languages. She also introduced Chris in the world of dance and music. He was a genius and talented boy with so much promise. However, he shocked his parents when he decided to audition as an idol. He was only 12 at that time. His father refused and made it difficult for him but he convince him that he will finish his studies with flying colors. He promise his father that if he succeed his audition, he will continue his studies in south korea. 

With the help from his mom, he passed the audition with high praise. JYP's staff were all captured by his cute looks and talent. He was one of a kind. He can sing, dance, rap and play instruments. He can do that in a very high level. He can also speak ten languages fluently including korean so there is no issue on communication. He was accepted and he was welcomed in JYPE. 

He trained alongside his hyungs and learned producing and composing. He was the youngest of the trainees. MissA and Wonder girls always tag him along during their practices. He was their baby. His hyungs also adored and protected him from jealous bullies and perverts. He was babied but he never slacked off. As promised to his father, he enrolled in a South Korean school. Although he skip grades because of his advanced learnings. It was thanks to his mom's home schooling and to his dad's colleagues who taught him college level subjects. He was suddenly a high school student at the age of 14. He was graduating when JYP gave him the greatest suprise in his life. He will debut with his three favorite hyungs and will be in a band called BEATS. He was excited. 

He was the youngest to debut from JYP at the age of 15. He was literally in his cutest. He has three hyungs that support him: Hyunki, Minjun, and Baekhyeon. All of them were veteran in composing and producing. Hyunki is the leader and vocalist. He oversees everything specially the unruly Minjun and Chris. Baekhyeon was the oldest and the musclehead of the group. All the muscles were proportionate to his body and he was tall. He is in-charge of the athletics and physical training. He is the group's rapper and part timer in the vocalist section. He loves the maknae so much that he is an over protective mother hen. Minjun is Chris' greatest rival and mentor. He is very well-rounded and his dancing was exceptionally good. He shares his experiences with Chris and both become competitive when it comes to practice. Their age difference were 3 years apart but he never felt alienated or discouraged. He was respected by his hyungs. He was loved. 

This is the reason why he worked hard. Although he is promoting alone, he wanted to keep BEATS as a household name. When they debuted, they got an all-kill rookie of the year award. They performed in different stages and got a huge following not only in Southeast Asia but in Europe and America. They have sold-out concert tickets and was invited in different shows. They were unique and self-produce. They literally helped JYP's stock to improve. They were earning money. This momentum never stopped and it was on their seventh year that his hyungs needed to fulfill their duties for their country. They left and he was alone promoting his solos. Their fans encouraged him and cheer him up. The fans promised that they will wait and they did wait. They never left him alone. 

Now, his hyungs will be released from the military. He wanted to be part of the people who will greet them. Luckily, his Hyunki-hyung will be the first one to be released. He will have someone to help him prepare food to welcome the other two. 

After his photo shoot for a magazine in China, Chris hurriedly packed his bags and directly went to the airport. His private jet is waiting for him to take him to South Korea. When he arrived at the airport, fans were all excited to see him. They were also excited for him to reunite with his hyungs. His manager greeted him in the arrival area and hurriedly direct him to the waiting car. They drive to the military branch where Hyunki was assigned. What he did not expect is the unfortunate event that was waiting for him. 

The ride to the military branch was the only rest he could get before he could reunite with his group and starts the whirlwind of activities. Thus, he closed his eyes and let the car radio lulled him to sleep. However, his rest was soon disturbed with a sudden jolt of the vehicle. He suddenly felt shards of glasses piercing his skin. Metals banged against his head and body. His entire body was being smashed in the car door as the vehicle flipped a few times. He felt hurt all over and cannot see anything except blood. He can hear vague shouts and cry but he felt himself getting dizzy and sleepy. Ah, he is tired. He wanted to sleep because everything hurts. He wanted to see his hyungs but his eyes are getting heavy. He closed his eyes and never opened it again. This is his end.


	3. The Beginning

Two Christophers were rushed in the hospital. One was from an accident and the other from suicide. Both closed their eyes and flatlines appeared on the screen. Both entered the light.

Chris never expected heaven to be a big, white space. It is just space. No animals, no people, no clouds. He was disappointed. He expected angels. At first he was lost then he found two people arguing. He recognize him. He was one of his dongsaes and JYP's favorite artist. He was arguing with someone. 

"You do not belong here. You need to go back." the unknown person patiently explained to Chan. "I am tired. Just let me go. I don't have anything to return to." Chan begged. "Please let me go." Chan cried and kneeled in front of the person. 

The unknown person look at Chris who was listening to their conversation. Chan noticed and followed the man's gaze and saw Chris.

"Hyung!" exclaimed Chan. "why are you here?"

"I guess l am dead?" Chris unsure of his answer. "you are dead." the unknown person confirmed. 

Chan suddenly looked at the unknown person, then looked at Chris. The unknown person do not like the look that Chan has been darting at him. "He can go. In place of me. Let him live. He needs to go back. He has so much to do. Let me die." Chan begged at the unkown man who was shocked. Then, looked at Chris, "You need to go right, hyung?" Chris was in utter disbelief. Chan was such a bright person, oozing with potential. What had happened to him that he wants to be gone forever. 

"That is not the rules here. He already died but you on the other hand can still live. Your body is still holding on." the unknown man said to Chan. 

Chris looked at Chan. The sadness in his eyes were evident. He knows those eyes. Its the eyes of tiredness and depression. He had been there but he overcome it. "You... Don't tell me you..." Chris cannot continue those words. He confronted Chan. "How could you do this?" Chan just looked him in the eye and whispered, "I am just tired, hyung. Please go instead of me." 

"No, he can't." said the unkown man. "enough of this. you." he pointed at Chris, "When the portal opens, please pass through with it. Chan, I will open the passage for you so that you can go back to earth." At that time, Chris was just so shock at the situation that all he can do was to obey. He really is dead. Chan on the other hand has this look in his eyes and Chris do not like it. As soon as the man opened the two portal, Chris felt Chan dragging him and all he knows was that Chan pushed him in his portal and he went to his. He saw Chan smiling at him apologetically and whispered to him "take care of my family."

Chris felt himself falling. He was falling into an abyss. Then, he felt somewhat sleepy. He closed his eyes and slept through the free fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen next?


	4. You Were Not Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapters happened before Chan found 3racha and Straykids :)

Chris tried to open his eyes but they were to heavy. He felt someone whispering encouragements and someone holding his hands. It was warm and pleasant. Ah, he misses his mom. He tried to open his eyes and succeeding this time. However, the light was blinding him. 

"Chris! Come on, open your eyes." a motherly voice encourages him. He heard frantic foot steps and a voice saying, "I am calling the doctor." Chris then grunted. His throat hurts. 

"Light." he whispered. His mom turned off the lights and came beside his son. "It's ok Chris, open your eyes." the voice said. 

He opened his eyes and saw a blurry image of a woman. She was happy and relieved. She held his hand tightly as if he will leave again. As his vision became clearer, he shoot a questioning look at the woman. He saw his surrounding and inspected his body. He was exceptionally pale. Well, technically he has a fair skin but this is so much fairer. It is like he has a vampire skin. Vampire? Realization sink in. Vampire skin color. Pale skin color. Only one has this color, Chan. He sent another questioning look at the woman. She looked tired. "Who are you?" asked Chris. 

The woman looked defeated and looked at his son. It was that time that Chris regretted asking that question. The woman looked hurt and was about to cry. He wants to hug that woman and comfort her. 

It was that time when a man and a doctor came in. The woman looked at the doctor and said softly, "He does not remember me." The man looked at him strangely. He look angry, no frustrated. The doctor came to him and examined him. "are you hurting somewhere?" Chris answered softly, "my throat. My stomach." 

"do you know what happened to you? Do you know who they are?" the doctor asked pointing to his parents. He looked at the two who are now hugging each other. "No." he said. "Can I get some water, please?" Chris asked. The woman acted swiftly and gave Chris a glass of water. The doctor said that he needs to lie down again and rest for a while. He invited the woman and the man outside. He needed to talk to them. 

Chris was left alone contemplating. Is this really true. Did he really transmigrated in the body of Chan. Were they his parents? He misses his parents suddenly. He stood up from the bed then went to the bathroom. He came face-to-face with a tired looking Chan. He whispered, "what have you done to yourself, kid? Why did you do this?" 

He looked at himself in the mirror. "What do you want me to do now, Chan?" he asked. "Live." an answer came from outside the door. It was the woman's voice. Chris carefully opened the door and saw the worried woman and man. "Are you my mom and dad?" he asked. The woman hugged him and was now crying. Chris, missing his mom, hugged the woman. The man approached them and also hugged them. After the woman calmed down, they fell in a comfortable silence. Chris stared at both of them. 

"what I did, I do not remember. But I assure you that I will never do it again. I will live and I'll be strong." He convinced himself. He defeated depression in his past life. He will not let Chan experience it again. For the sake of Chan, he will live. He will dream and will achieve it. 

He looked at his mom and dad, "I am so sorry, mom and dad. I worried you a lot. Thank you." he stood up and bowed to his parents showing his remorse. His dad gathered him in a hug and said, "never apologize. You did nothing wrong my son. Just remember that you are not alone, that we are here for you." His mom also approached them and quietly hugged his son. 

That night was filled with stories. They enthusiastically bombarded Chris with stories of his childhood, his family, his career and his friends. As the night fell, Chris was tired but happy. His parents let him rest for the night. 

The next day, Chris was surprised by the inflow of visitors. His JYP family visited him. GOT7 came and all chaos broke lose. Bambam and Yugyeom refused to leave his side. They were crying when they saw Chris. Brian and the rest of Day6 also came. Brian was silently looking at him at the sofa. Chris was happily looking at the antics of bambam and yugyeom. They were basically arguing who was Chan's bestfriend. Chan's parents informed them that he suffered amnesia so they were retelling stories of Chan's trainee life in JYP. However, no one mentioned debut. 

All the noise coming from Chan's room went into silence when a scary looking nurse kicked them all out in the room. Chan was both sad and grateful to the nurse. Sad because he was happy to see his JYP family again but they were kicked out of his room. Grateful of the silence because he has time to digest everything. Time to internalize that he is Bang Chan, the legendary JYP trainee who is a triple threat. 

After the nurse got his vitals, she allowed two visitors in the room. Jimin and Brian came in his room. Jimin immediately hugged him. She was crying. Chris comforted her and sent Brian a questioning look. Don't tell me Jimin and Chan were... 

Brian laughed that Jimin whipped him an annoyed look. "Are we? You know?" Cris asked Jimin. Brian laugh even harder and Jimin turned beet red. "Girl, NO!" Jimin sarcastically answered. "We are practically siblings." Jimin huffed. He hug him again. "Never, ever do that again. You scared me." She said. 

Chris hugged her back. "I'm sorry. I won't do that again." Brian got near and place a hand on his shoulder. "You scared the shit out of me. You got lucky that I got you in time. If not, I can't have another funeral." Brian was sad and scared. Chris looked at him with sorry eyes and asked, "another funeral?" 

Brian and Jimin shared a look. They were hesitating to tell him but he knows. It was about him and he wanted to know. 

"Chris... Chris-hyung was in an accident. He did not survive." Brian said. He was sad and was concern on how Chan will react. Chris knew that people will mourn, his hyungs will, his fans will, his family will. He wanted to know and wanted to help them but what can he do. He was now Chan. 

"The memorial will be tomorrow." Jimin said as he hold his hands. "JYP has his hands full today that is why he cannot visit but he wants to be updated on your situation. JYP is really your Korean dad. Hahaha" Jimin said to lighten the mood. Chris smiled and politely asked them to leave. He needed to think. Jimin and Brian hesitated but he reassured them that he will be alright. When they left, his parents immediately entered the room. Well, who can trust a suicidal teen? He smiled at his parents and pretended to sleep. His parents never left his side that night. They were on the look-out when Chan entered the bathroom. He noticed that all sharp objects were removed and only soap can be found. He sighed. He needed to regain their trust again. He needed to assure them that he will not take his own life. He promised Chan that he will take care of his family. To do this, he needed to pursue his dream. 

Early in the morning, Chan anounces that he wants to attend the memorial of Chris. He wanted to say his goodbyes, to himself and to his family. He wanted to see the people he misses the most, his parents and his hyungs. He regretted that he never texted his parents and his hyungs on that day of the accident. He was so focused on the surprise that he never informed anyone except his manager on his arrival. 

His parents were unsure if they wanted him to attend but he was so adamant. Luckily, he admired Chris-hyung and he was his role model. He learned from his parents that Chan chose and stayed in JYP because he wants to see BEATS and he admired Chris. It did not help that they have the same name. When he got a clearance from the doctor, he wear his black suit and attended the memorial with Brian and Jimin. 

All of the JYP artists were present. Even, G.O.D members attended it. It was a gloomy atmosphere. Chris, in Chan's body, witness his own funeral. He wanted to hug his mom and dad. He wanted to tell them that he was alive and well but he cannot do that. It will be unfair for Chan. Today, he witnessed his tough hyungs broke down. 

Hyunki, the ever reliable leader of BEATS, is now a weeping mess. He looked vulnerable and pale. Baekhyeon was on his side and was now sporting a very strong image although you cannot deny the sadness in his eyes. Minjun, he never saw him. He eavesdrop one of the conversation of JYP dancers and got his answer. Minjun was rushed to the hospital because he fainted that night before the memorial. When he learned Chris' death, he refuses to sleep or eat. He was blaming himself because of the accident. Typical Minjun. Always blaming himself. Chris was again disappointed. He wanted to scold Minjun. He wanted them to be strong and wanted to comfort them. 

He sat in his own funeral. He cried on the eulogies and it broke his heart when his father spoke. His father spoke of how he fought with him when he decided to go to Korea to pursue his dreams. He spoke of how strong his son and how brave of him to pursue a road that is very difficult. He was proud of his son and will never stop speaking of how talented and gifted he is. He looked at the crowed and he saw Chris. Chan met his gaze and look at him with longing and sadness. His father looked at the boy again and was disappointed that the pale boy was not Chris. He thanked the people who attended the funeral and informed them that Chris' ashes will be scattered in the places they lived when he was young. Chris was satisfied with this plan.

After the memorial, Chris wanted to hugged his parents one last time. Instead of shaking his parents' hand to offer his condolences, he hugged them. His mom was shocked but immediately recognizes the warmth. His son can only give this hug, this wamth. Everyone shoot questioning look at Chan but never questioned him when Chris. His mom looked at Chan curiously and Chan smiled. He offered his condolences and his mother immediately pulled him into a hug again. She cried on Chan's embrace. It broke his heart seeing his mother like this. His father put a hand on his shoulder and thanked him. He then comforted his wife who can not stop crying. She looked at Chris with so much sadness and hope. Chris needs to be strong. He is now Chan and he needs to fulfill his promise. 

He offered again his condolences and left with Brian and Jimin with a heavy heart. His funeral was finished. He said his goodbyes. He will now bury Chris and will now live as Chan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by Chan's latest VLIVE. I love Day6's I need somebody! The song speaks so much to me!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi my lovelies, I am back again serving you with angsty stories of Bang Chan. Basically, this is me projecting my addiction with transmigration stories. I created original characters for this story. 
> 
> In this story, I killed Chan but technically not killing him? Sorry about this. If you are going through the same, please seek help. Talk to someone, remember that there is someone who will always listen to you. 
> 
> Anyways, please bear with me as this is my deviation from the stresses I got from work and school. Hence, I will update every week or every other week depending if my brain cooperates. This will be a 10 part stories and is set before 3racha and stray kids debut. This was before Chan found the Kids to complete his district.


End file.
